Meeting IRL: The Men’s Guide to Picking Up without Pickup Lines
I remember the nights back when I’d rely on corny one-liners. “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” Trying to be ready with some quick pick up line to spark a conversation. You know the drill. But according to a recent piece in New York Post, those traditional pick-up lines might be dying out—at least in their old, bar-scene glory. And honestly? It makes sense.
Because here’s what I’ve found: when you’re genuinely interested in connecting, not just interacting, it’s less about the clever line and more about showing up as a thoughtful human. I’ve had better success with “Hi, I just noticed you’re reading X—what’s your take?” than anything rehearsed.
The article notes that many Millennials and Gen Zers feel weird about approaching someone in person, they’d rather swipe than walk over and say hello. The shift is real, but it’s also isolating and preventing many to miss potential connections in the real world. But “less in-person courage” doesn’t mean it’s impossible, it just means we need new tools to be ready for making connections.
So here’s how I approach it when I’m looking for something that’s more than casual:
Start with curiosity: At a networking event, bar, coffee shop, or Clubhouse if you’re a member, find something genuine to comment on. Maybe she’s got a tattoo you like, or her laptop sticker says “Maker” and you’re a maker too. That’s better than “nice dress” or commenting on a physical attribute. Showing interest in her interests is the fastest way to open up a conversation.
Keep your intention in mind: I’m not always looking for “forever” on the first night, but I am looking for someone I wouldn’t mind building something with. So I try to speak like that, open, friendly, not overly eager or needy.
Build your network of friends, not just dates: One thing I learned: the more people you know, the more introductions happen naturally. Friends of friends become friends, and a friend-friend might just become that right person. It removes a lot of awkward “cold approach” energy, so next time someone invites you to meet up accept the invite. Aim for social interactions, not social media to have authentic connections.
Avoid creeper territory: “What if I look like a creep if I try to approach?” is one of the biggest fears many men have when approaching someone in a social setting. Keep it simple. Respect their personal space. Read their body language. If she seems engaged, great. If not, thank them for their time and move on.
Don’t stare too long or hover.
Don’t follow her around or insist even if she seems uninterested.
Don’t lead with something sexual or objectifying. Those things have more of a chance to kill any connection.
Use your “network” approach to reduce pressure: When you’re just trying to meet people (not “seal the deal” or get laid cause you don’t remember the last time you were touched), you’re more relaxed. I go to meet-ups, classes, mutual-friends gatherings. And sometimes I mention casually, “Actually, I’m looking to meet someone interesting; if you happen to know someone…” No heavy pressure, but the door’s open and you now you’re not the only one on the look out. Manifestation is more than saying things out loud, it’s making more people aware of what your goals are in life.
Follow up thoughtfully: If you get a number or connect, show some interest—send a message referencing something you talked about (“Hey, you mentioned you loved French cinema, just came across this trailer for La Haine and thought of you”). That shows you were listening, you care, and you’re not just copy-pasting “hey”.
Quick guide to not being a creeper
Respect the moment: If she’s clearly busy, talking to friends, or closed off—later might be better or not at all may be the call.
Be human first: A pleasant “Hey, mind if I join you?” often beats “Hey baby…” Also, in a world where manners seem to be in short supply, asking for consent and accepting a response goes further and makes you stand out.
Make it about her, not you: Ask a question about what she’s doing or what she likes—let her talk.
No expectations: You’re not owed anything. She might say no. It’s fine. You move on. Take rejection kindly and don’t let it deter you.
Leverage your social circles: Build your friendships, expand your network. Introductions bring trust. Meeting someone through a friend lowers the “stranger danger” factor.
Be real: The modern dating crowd may dismiss old pick-up lines, but they appreciate authenticity. So bring your real self, with wit, with kindness, with confidence.
So there it is. Pick-up lines aren’t totally extinct, but the old model definitely is. If you’re looking for more than a one-night “score”, shift your strategy: meet more people, approach with respect and curiosity, use your network, and let things evolve naturally. The right connection? It might not begin with a cheesy one-liner, it might begin with a sincere “Hi, how do you know our mutual?” or “What’s that book you’re reading?”
